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January 8
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    If you were a story, you'd be several chapters long, with words that will tell of who you were, how you were and what you meant to me.

    Letters will paint the picture of how I remember you, and, if I flipped the pages fast enough, our tragedy will unravel and unfold fast; a motion capture of how you never came for me.

    And, after run-ons and paragraphs and so many full sentences, the last line would be a fragment, because that's the truth of what we became, what we are now and I don't know how to put it any other way.

    People will read it, read about you, and you and me, and when they reach the end, they will puzzle and ask where the missing pages are.

    I will take your book back (written for you, and only you, with your scent as the bookmarks, and your fragile smile as the spine), and my brittle mouth will curl as I try not to cry, and I will show them my empty pockets and tell them if only there were any.
:iconwhimsicalapocalypse:
#Glory-Be-Project Day #3 (posted late)

So my cousin, Ianna (:iconflummoxative:) linked me to this group: [link] and said that the challenge they propose might be a good idea to try out. I read the journal, and, needless to say (even if I'm not a part of the group ^^;) I thought that it would be a great 2013 Resolution.

I've been faithfully keeping up on writing something everyday, starting January 1, and it's really, really nice, actually. My forte has always been more on vignettes and short stories and the actual poems that only come once in a while, so I've got a handful of lines, scattered bits of poetry and some flash fiction noted down from January 1, to January 8.

For any of you who enjoy writing, I suggest you join in, even though it's a little late. :D It's a great way to take a breather, and get your mind to relax and work around creative blocks.

I'm not going to be submitting all of my Glory Be! entries, but I'll be submitting the most-okay-looking ones from the crop, so that I have some proof to show for my efforts and (hopefully) some progress.

Anyway, long comment is long, so, going to the entry:

Pretty lengthy, and I'm iffy with how many times the word 'pages' is repeated, but I'm not sure what other word fit in as well.

Feedback and reviews are very much appreciated. :D
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:iconvespera:
`vespera Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"our tragedy will unravel and unfold fast; a motion capture" :heart:


you mentioned maybe you said "pages" too much - what about for the first time, instead:

you'd be several chapters long

and/or on the third time you use it:

and so many full sheets


:heart:
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:iconwhimsicalapocalypse:
~WhimsicalApocalypse Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh gosh thank you so much for that suggestion! I think I'll go edit it that way. :D

And thank you for leaving a comment as well, glad you enjoyed it!
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:iconvespera:
`vespera Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're very welcome! :heart: :heart: :heart:
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:iconflummoxative:
~Flummoxative Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's an open group, I mean :laughing:
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:iconwhimsicalapocalypse:
~WhimsicalApocalypse Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha! Medj shy kasii. Maybe someday? XD
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:iconflummoxative:
~Flummoxative Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
People are still welcome to catch up *pushshoveheeeeaaave*
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:iconflummoxative:
~Flummoxative Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Gaga ka ba go go go!!
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:iconflummoxative:
~Flummoxative Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
We're related but... tangina mo. :| :| :| I love this. He sucks but this is wonderful.

And the repetition of 'pages' can be easily remedied; maybe change the last two? Reword or rewrite those phrases? I'm actually a bit more iffy about how there seem to be a whole bunch of 'we's in the first half. :laughing:

"Letters will paint the picture of how I remember you, and, if I flipped the pages fast enough, our tragedy will unravel and unfold fast; a motion capture of how you never came for me." --love how this flowed and that last line <//3

And that last stanza... :clap:
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:iconwhimsicalapocalypse:
~WhimsicalApocalypse Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a ton, hun. :) I'll get around to editing this. Thanks for the feedback.

>:D< Thanks so much. :) Gosh, it's still strange to see my writing change. Like, I know I didn't write like this before, but at the same time, it's like "When did that happen?" XD
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:iconflummoxative:
~Flummoxative Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I understand and I'm happy for you. :hug: :hug:
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